I am speechless. A fellow "IC sister" has lost her battle with cancer. She and I had lost babies about the same time then were pregnant with Kason and her daughter Faith together. It's hard to imagine how you can become close to someone you've never met face to face but when you are in a position like I was, heartbroken over losing Korbin and scared and pregnant again on bedrest and finding this group of women who knew exactly what I was going through... well, you bond very quickly. There is a big group of us who keep in touch, keep tabs on each others little miracle babies, and support each other through struggles. Kara was one of these. Her fight to have Faith was a leap of fate in itself then we were all overwhelmed when her battle with cancer begun. It was un-imaginable and left me with no words but to pray for her. I can't imagine what that sweet 3 year old little girl is going through learning that her momma is gone. Rest in Peace Kara, you were an inspiration and a beautiful person inside and out. It's hard to believe that it has been 5 years since we "met." Please pray for her family, especially her husband and daughter who will be learning how to live without her. I can picture her in Heaven holding her 2 precious angel babies. What a sweet reunion that was!
Speaking of 5 years... It's been exactly 5 years since I met Kara, which means it's been 5 years since we said goodbye to Korbin. Makes my heart still skip a beat to think about it. Thank God it's been five years. I never want to have that fresh feeling ever again. Five years since we said good bye to our baby girl. To Kaidrie's baby sister. What a hard time that was. A day I desperately want to forget and yet at the same time want to hold on to every detail. The only day, while living, that I got to hold our second born baby girl in our arms.
In some ways your little life made me a better person. I'm more compassionate, more understanding of the hard times those around me are facing. More passionate about the miracle of life. More thankful for the blessings we do have, especially the lives of our two living babies. Other ways it has given me a bitterness that I can't shake no matter how many years go by. Although I love how our lives are turning out, there will always be that part of me that feels robbed for never getting to watch you grow and play like I've been able to with your sister and brother. A self-pity that I hate to see in myself. The way I look at a picture of us in pure bliss and so happy and clueless of what was about to happen. My heart will never be the same.
We will never forget you baby girl. Born way too soon, yet so perfect.
Some people dream of angels. I held one in my arms.
Rest in Peace little one, some day we will hold you in our arms again.... until then, we will hold on to your memory.
Mommy and daddy love you.
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