Little man, you were truly meant to be here. I will never understand why things had to happen the way they did to get you here but I thank God every day that we made it through. You are my little miracle man.
After losing Korbin (and the tiny one before her) we were terrified to find out we were expecting again, but I had a peace. A peace that I knew that God would protect him. Would some how get us through. Every day was a milestone. Every shot bought him some more time. Every day in bed meant my body would be able to carry him further. Every kick brought so much hope. It was such a hard time. In 6 months the only time I spent out of my house (and honestly... out of bed other than a broken up hour-ish a day!) were my weekly/biweekly doctors visits where he would check Kason and make sure my cervix was stable enough to make it through another week. After I got past viability about once a month I would talk Randy into taking me to Target and letting me ride on the motorized wheelchair so I could feel semi normal and get a little retail therapy. I remember seeing other pregnant women and feeling such anger that they were able to be out and I had to look at the same 4 walls in my house all day every day. That I had to watch my daughter play by herself across the room. That I had to depend on my husband, mom, mom in law, sisters in law and friends to care for my house and make food for my family. Even through all the anger and self pity I knew it was worth it. I was doing this for my son and he was worth it. When you know what it's like to lose, you will do everything in your power to make sure it doesn't happen again. Big boy - I'd do it again for you in a heart beat. That's how much I love you.
This was my view for 6 months... and that little thing moving inside is what kept me going!
Cerclage removal day finally came! I did it! WE did it! After watching me on the monitor for a couple of hours because of the contractions I was having they finally sent me home to wait and see with the plans of induction in 2 weeks. I was 2 weeks away from meeting this little man!!
The morning before Kason made his appearance!
My doctor was shocked that I made it to my induction day at 38 weeks! I was thrilled! We made it to the goal - a take home baby!! We arrived at around 9:30. They started Pitocin at 10am and Dr R broke my bag of water. Almost immediately Kason's heart rate dropped to 60 and wasn't coming back up. Yet another panic moment to top of the pregnancy! Thankfully Dr R was at my bedside and stopped the Pitocin and we got an amnio-infusion to put his "swimming pool" back. The words "emergency c-section" were thrown around quite a bit and I asked for an Epidural right away to prevent the time it would take to get one in an emergency situation or getting a general and not being awake to see his birth. I was amazed at how quickly things got started after my water was broken. After about 30 min I told the nurse that "this Pitocin is no joke - those contractions got strong quick!" She told me "that's all you, the pit was only on for 5 minutes!" What a relaxing rest of labor I had! So different that my labor with Kaid! I will NEVER go without an Epidural again! We didn't even have time to watch a full movie because of all of the interruptions. I was soon ready to push. 3 contractions later, my beautiful baby boy was born and was safely in my arms around 1:56 pm. What a joy. What a relief!! 7 pounds 7 ounces of perfection!
The first time as a family of four!
What an angel baby he was! While I was pregnant with him I told him on a daily basis that he better be a good baby for all I went through to get him here safely and he sure was!!
Watch me grow!
Such a happy little guy! He was always smiles and still is!
This is what me and mommy think of Incompetent Cervix! We can beat it!!
One year old! Love that sweet face and baby hair!
and then the rotten hit! How can one child be so ornery and so sweet at the same time!
My big boy at almost 3!
I'm almost FOUR! But I'd really like to stay three "be-tus I yike to be free!"
Watching you grow has been such a joy! The silly things you say, the bear hugs you give, the belly laughs. What would we do without you little man. We are so blessed!
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